Lessons I've Learned in My First Year as a Mother

A few months ago, one of my friends and former mission companions, Rachel Johns, did a post about the lessons she had learned in her first year as a mother. As I read her blog, it got me thinking about my first year as a mother and the many lessons I had learned. For weeks I thought about what my blog would say. Then, time flew by, I went on vacation, and forgot it all! So today, I have the task of trying to remember all those great lessons I had been thinking about. I really want to record all the lessons I've learned, so my children may benefit from them. So here goes nothing!

Lesson #1: Labor isn't as bad as the movies make it seem.
Maybe I just got really lucky with Alexander, but I remember being really scared about giving birth. I was terrified that I would be a wreck and it would feel like torture. But honestly, it wasn't that bad. I remember fearing that my water would break while I was swimming and wondering if I would know it had happened (this is due to the fact that I swam just about every day while pregnant, and had planned to go swimming the day Alexander was born). Well, luckily, my water broke in bed at about 5:30 am. It felt just like Alexander took his little fist and punched me and then my water broke. I remember waking up Scott and telling him that I thought my water had broken. Then when I was sure (only a few minutes later), we leisurely got our bags together, and drove to the hospital. It was great. I remember taking in the beautiful sunrise and thinking, "Today I am going to have a baby." I had the mildest of contractions going on, and the nurse even had to point out when I was having contractions. This meant they had to induce me and put me on pitocin so that the contractions would start working and we could have the baby, since my water had already broken. For the first part of the day, I felt great, just some mild contractions here and there. We listened to the music we brought to the hospital, and played card games. At about noon though, I was to my breaking point. That is when I decided that I would indeed have an epidural (something I was hoping not to have to do). But let me tell you something, my decision to have an epidural was the best decision I ever made! I went from tears streaming down my face in pain, to laughing out loud while we watched Brian Reegan hospital skits on Scott's laptop with the nurse. I actually almost fell asleep, and they had to wake me up because I was fully dilated. Once I started pushing, Alexander came pretty fast. He was born at 3:07 pm, on August 11, 2011. I had been in labor for a mere ten hours (if you start from when my water broke). When I held him in my arms for the first time, I remember thinking, "He is the most perfect little boy I have ever seen." I immediately started to cry. One could argue that I may think labor was awful if I didn't have an epidural, or ended up with complications, or a c-section. Maybe they are right. For some people, it could be an awful scary experience. But for me, it was the most joyous day of my life so far.

Lesson #2: Being a nanny doesn't prepare you for everything!
I remember as the days got near delivery, thinking that I was really prepared to be a mother. We were financially stable, my husband had a great job that he loved, and I had spent years as a nanny caring for young children and even multiple children at a time. I thought, "How hard could it be?" Boy was I wrong! There was so much to being a full-time mother vs. a full-time nanny, that I didn't even think about! As a nanny, the parents would tell me how they wanted me to care for their child and set the schedule. As a parent, I was faced with questions like, "Is he getting enough milk? Should I let him cry it out so he can learn to sleep through the night? Is now a good time to start solids? Does his high temperature mean we should take him in? Could this allergic reaction be serious?" The list goes on and on. I learned that for the first time in caring for children, I was the one who had to decide what was best for my child (with Scott's help of course)! It was scary to know if I was doing the right thing. I felt like I was constantly reading books to try and determine what was best for Alexander. Don't get me wrong, being a nanny did help me out. I was able to use the things I learned from watching other children and apply them to watching Alexander. But all in all, it felt like a whole new ball game because I had to be the one to decide what was best. It gave me a headache most days, and many tears were shed, but in the end I just had to remind myself that I was doing the best I could with the knowledge I had gained.

Lesson #3: Mother knows best!
After all those questions that get thrown at you, you can't help but feel overwhelmed. I remember reading one book that said that if I let my baby "cry it out" to try and teach him how to sleep, that I would be teaching him that I am not there for him when he needs me and would emotionally scar him. Coming from a bit of a rough background, that was really harsh, and made me scared to ever let him cry. Then I read another book that ensured me that let a baby cry it out, would not emotionally scar him. But what hit me most in this second book, was that they said that I am in charge. They gave lots of tips and ideas and then told me to choose what felt best for my child and our family. That really helped me a ton! (Side note: The book is called "Babywise" and I would highly recommend it! It really helped us figure out feeding and sleeping). I realized that I should do what I felt most comfortable with and if my mommy instincts said I needed to check on a crying baby, it was okay. If my mommy instincts said that it was okay for him to cry a little, that was okay too. It helped me to learn to relax and trust my instincts. There were those moments when he felt a little too warm, and I realized he was sick. Or moments when he seemed more cranky than usual, and I was able to discover that he was teething. As I paid attention to him, and to my instincts, I was able to do the best I possibly could for him.

Lesson #4: When mother has no clue, seek the Lord's help.
There have been countless times in the past year, when things haven't went the way I envisioned them. I have to say that trying to get Alexander to sleep through the night was one of the biggest. I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed that he would sleep through the night, for his sake and ours. Sometimes I think the pleading with the Lord, gave me the strength to do my part in helping things go more smoothly. As I plead for Alexander to sleep through the night, I was given the assurance through the Spirit that it was perfectly acceptable to let him cry it out and it would help him and us to sleep better. There was a time when Alexander was really sick (he had a virus similar to RSV), and we were visiting the hospital every day for a few days. It was really scary, but as I prayed, I was reassured that he would be okay and this too would pass. I remember when I was pregnant with Alexander and I started having some signs that I had miscarried him. I was so scared and so sad. I asked Scott for a blessing, and it was probably the most powerful blessing he has ever given me. Even though we both thought we had lost the baby, he said, "The baby will be fine and you will be able to hold him in your arms very soon. The child has been waiting to come down to be your child and to have you as it's mother." That filled me with comfort and hope that everything would be okay, and as you know, it was! I know I could not have made it through the pregnancy or this first year, without the Lord's help. He has guided the whole way. He has comforted me when I have been scared. And he has given me the strength to do all I needed to, when I felt there was no strength left in me.

Lesson #5: Things you thought were crazy, seem to make sense when it affects your child.
I cannot tell you how much this is true! As a nanny, I remember giving a child homemade baby food, and thinking, "This is crazy! Why do they go to so much trouble when they could just go to the store and buy some jars?!?!" After having Alexander, I requested a Baby Bullet on my amazon.com wish list. Luckily, my brother Robert, bought it for us. It has been so great! I realized that I could save money and help my little guy eat healthier if I made it for him, and it was much easier than I thought. I will definitely keep making baby food for future children! The other thing I thought was crazy, was cloth diapers. I mean, who wants to wash poop out of a diaper...gross! Well, as I became a parent, I realized it was inevitable that I would be dealing with cleaning poop out of clothing. With him having four blowouts a day, and me constantly soaking his clothes in oxyclean, I realized that I was willing to see if cloth diapers would be any better. Many of you probably already read my blog on cloth diapering and making my own baby food, but I have to say I couldn't be happier with those choices! We have saved money and have found that these things just make for a happier baby :)

Lesson #6: Parenting is a two person job.
Of course this seems like a no-brainer! You need two parents to properly raise a child. But it wasn't until I had Alexander, that I realized how grateful I was to not be a single parent. I'm sure that single parents do what they can and make it work, but I honestly could not have survived without Scott. He helped me so much, and continues to be a great father. There were nights where Alexander fed every two hours, and it seemed like those nights lasted longer than I could have imagined. Scott would sit up with me in those moments and play Bill Cosby or Brian Reegan skits to help me through it. In the first few months, breastfeeding was really painful (something I never knew could happen before having Alexander), and Scott's willingness to just sit up with me and distract me from the pain, helped so much! He would even go get me a cold glass of ice water so I would stay hydrated. He has also been great at giving me my own time. On days when I felt super wiped out, he would tell me to go put my swimsuit on and jump in the hot tub while he watched the baby. He would tell me to get out and do something fun for myself for a little while. It helped a ton! But most importantly, he is an amazing Dad! Scott's first diaper change was Alexander's first dirty diaper. From the beginning, Scott was willing to jump in and help, even if it was new and a little scary. He was always there helping to bathe Alexander, to read stories to him, to sing to him, and help put him into bed. I have to say that I love our nighttime routine, because it includes both of us. I love helping to put Alexander to bed as a family. I feel like one lucky girl. This past year would have been so much harder without my sweet husband. I am so grateful for all he has done for me!

Lesson #7: You are better than you think you are.
There are so many times as a parent, where you start to wonder if you are doing any good. It seems that Sally down the street is a perfect Mom. She seems to have it all together. Her house is always clean, she plays with her baby tons, and her baby is already sleeping through the night and hitting milestones that your baby is not. I know they say not to compare your child to others, but it is so hard to avoid doing! And even harder to avoid, is the temptation of comparing myself to other moms. It always seems that there is something I could be doing better and so many areas that I lack. Constantly, I have had to go to my Father in Heaven or my husband and ask them how they feel I am doing. Luckily, that usually does the trick. Remember that no matter how great Sally is at being a mom, you are doing the best you can for your little one, and that's what counts! I have learned that I really am a better mom than I think I am, and though I strive to be a little better each day, my little guy adores me just as I am :)

Lesson #8: Enjoy the little things.
At the end of the day, I need to be reminded to just take joy in the little things. Life can get so busy and my to-do list can seem unending, but the reality is that he will only be my little guy for so long. The laundry can wait, the dishes can pile up, and my facebook status can be non-existent for a few days. What really matters are those moments when I hear him giggle, or see him learn something new, or realize he just wants to cuddle. Those are the moments that make all those stressed out days, and all those tired nights, worth it. When he wraps his arms around me to give me a great big hug, or launches himself into my arms while being held by someone else, in those moments, I know I am the center of his world, and I absolutely love it! It's seeing his joy as we pick his first flower on a walk, or watching him knock over blocks, or see him squeal with delight as he chases Daddy around the house. Those moments just take your breath away. One day, I hope to be the kind of mom who takes so much joy in the little things, that having a spotless house or tons of "me time" won't compare with those little moments that give me so much joy.

Well, I really wanted to have ten lessons, because I am so close, but that is all I can think of for right now. If I think of a few more, I will add them later. I hope you enjoyed the lessons I learned over this last year, I know that I have! That's all for now. Tune in next time for Amazing August.